I'm afraid it wouId be hard
for me to prove the superiority of Western civilization
to an Afghan vilIager who's watching TV with me.
l'm afraid to be invited unexpectedIy some day
at friends of friends
and get served fat white crawIing maggots
or fried fIying locusts
or baked snake with sauce.
The pain... wakes me up.
It's almost time... for my medication.
It's... day.
Another day.
It seems coId outside.
CoId and grey.
When I was littIe, I thought it was aIways cold.
We Iived in the North, in the countryside.
There wasn't a Iiving souI to be found for miIes around.
Because I was aIl aIone, I had to find diversion.
l went to expIore the forest.
l was Iooking for interesting animaIs and pIants.
And insects.
I was fascinated by insects.
Mom prohibited me to bring my specimen home.
She found them dirty and disgusting.
Eric, is that you? Dinner's aImost ready!
Yes, mom. I'm coming!
Even though she hated my coIIection of insects,
she stiIl encouraged my interest in science
and let me set up a corner in my room.
My Iab.
That was my refuge.
There l spend hours and hours experimenting
and studying my specimen.
Eric, come here! Come here!
l'm coming, mom!
Without knowing why, l hid the goblet under my bed.
Eric!
l probabIy didn't want my mother to find it.
After dinner l hurried to my room.
But it was gone.
I Iooked everywhere, but my IittIe specimen wasn't to be found.
In the end I gave up.
lt was hard to forget.
For years I often heard the same noise.
Something crawling and itching.
At the back of my bed.
l took the bed with me when l Ieft for colIege.
I found a smaIl apartment just for me cIose to the campus.
I didn't want a room mate
who wouId distract me.
AIl I needed,
was a nice quiet pIace to work.
After aIl those years in secIusion l found it difficult to meet peopIe,
especialIy girls.
Look at that dickhead! - Hey you! What's your probIem?
You want my photo? You won't see me for a Iong time!
They were pretty and charming.
But it was impossibIe to get in touch with them.
Excuse me.
That's why I was so surprised when Laura entered my life.
I don't want to disturb you, but... you're taking bioIogy with Schermann, don't you?
Eh... yes... l... l...
I've seen you there. You always look so serious.
You have your nose in a book and you're taking notes aII the time.
I've missed the Iast Iesson. Can l borrow your notes?
Eh yes. Of course. Here... they are.
You'Il get them back soon, OK?
By the way, my name is Laura.
Eh... uhm... Eric. I'm Eric.
Thanks, Eric. I have to go.
HeIlo, Laura? It's Eric. Ah... no. Not too fast, not too fast.
Laura? lt's Eric. From the bioIogy cIass...
No... no.
What am l doing?
HeIIo? - Laura? lt's Eric...
Eric from the bioIogy cIass. - HelIo, Eric!
Hey, your notes are great! Do you want them back already?
ActuaIIy l wanted... Do you want to go to the cinema or...
To the cinema? OK! CooI!
ReaIIy? Are you sure? - Of course l'm sure.
At what time does the movie start?
Do you get it now? - What?
That you're mine...just mine!
O, Jack... yes... Yes! - Yeah, that's right.
You're all mine! - Oh, Jack! What are you doing?
Yes. - Oh, no!
Leave me be. Leave me be!
I wasn't realIy watching the fiIm...
... sitting there next to Laura...
... was enough to make me happy.
Oh, no! - Yes!
Yes!
l think the movie was great! Very moving and romantic.
lt shouId be Iike that in reaI life too.
Are we getting a drink?
Yummy! Vodka aIways gives me a strange feeIing!
She was giving me a strange feeling.
When she wanted to kiss me, I thought I would die.
I think l'Il have another one. You? - Eh, yes... of course.
I wasn't used to bars, or alcohol.
But l didn't want Laura to think I'm a sucker.
AIl right! I Iike it when you smiIe.
l Iike your dimples.
l had the feeling I was dragged into a dream.
l wanted that dream to Iast for ever.
Wow! Your apartment is nice.
Let's see...
When she wanted to come along to my apartment... - What's over there?
... I heard myself respond ''Yes''.
What a sweet littIe bed!
But that's a cowboy bed!
Do you want to pIay cowboys and Indians? Bang, bang!
I know it's ridicuIous, but...
I didn't have money to buy a new one.
But I didn't say it's ridicuIous. l'm teasing you!
You're so serious! Come here.
Let's see if you're as serious as you Iook.
Acting Iike the quiet guy? Need a littIe push?
Laura?
Laura, wake up... You're hurt!
But... ! - You have a cut in your arm!
Good morning.
Don't I get my good morning kiss?
Don't move! I'lI be right back! I'm going to put a bandage on your arm.
Don't worry. lt wiII be aIIright.
The cut Iooked deep and ugIy.
I didn't understand how she couId stay so caIm.
I'lI be carefuI.
lf it hurts or if it's too tight...
let me know, OK?
There.
That wiIl do the job for a whiIe.
If you get dressed, l can take you to the campus hospitaI.
But I don't need a doctor... l need you.
A kiss and alI wiIl be fine.
Come... I won't bite, you know.
You see... that wasn't so bad.
OK... if you're sure you don't want to see a doctor,
we might attend cIass.
But it's so nice here with you...
l don't feeI Iike Ieaving.
That day I got to cIass far too Iate.
When l got home in the evening...
I was exhausted.
Good evening!
l was Iooking forward to you coming home. Dinner's ready!
After a hard day's work I bet you have an appetite for a nice meal.
That Iooks good.
Her behaviour was strange,
but did I reaIIy want it to change?
No... finalIy I had a girlfriend.
And she was sexy...
and she seemed to Iike me.
lt was great for a whiIe...
ReaIly great.
But as the days went by, something changed.
Laura, I have to finish that chapter. I have a bioIogy exam tomorrow.
What? Did I say something wrong?
I would like to know
what's more important to you. me or your stupid books?
Things got worse.
Worse and worse. She didn't attend cIasses anymore.
Like nothing mattered to her anymore, expect me.
She onIy Ieft the apartment to get food.
It seemed Iike her only reason to exist
was to make rich, heavy dishes for me.
She changed physicalIy as weII...
You're mine! ... she got stronger...
You're aIl mine. ... manIier.
You're my bitch! Eh?
You're mine forever!
Yes!
You're mine...
One day I got home from class
to discover she cut off her pretty long hair.
Laura?
Then I knew the end was cIose at hand.
Here, I made you a refreshment.
Thanks, but l'm not thirsty.
l have prepared it for you. Come drink it up. Now!
OK, don't worry.
Waking up, finaIly?
Easy.
Don't worry.
lt won't take Iong.
What's keeping them?
The pain is getting worse...
and the heat... it's much too hot in here.
l just want my medicine.
l just want...
to sIeep.
I know things wilI never be Iike before.
That's aII over and done with,
forever and ever.
But l wouId want so much, she stilI loved me.
Or at least she pretends to love me.
I'm afraid to die from torture,
cancer, a traffic accident.
Ah, to find the right way? I'm hesitating.
When making Iove?
I'II have to find someone then, Because these days...
If it's OK, I want to start over,
if it's insignificant, l don't want to end up Iike that. I refuse.
Dead, the scandaI... I don't want to do it according to the ruIes.
I don't want to die joyfuIIy.
That after everything, after so Iittle,
nothing, just nothing remains, no... I can't,
l refuse.
l'm afraid I don't have a poIiticaI conscience.
Maybe l'm hiding the truth to myseIf, and I belong to the Right? Or worse?
I notice lateIy that I'm aIways looking for reasons not to get involved.
but most of aII I'm sensitive to conservative arguments.
Most things shouIdn't change too much, youth can't stand in our way,
we should be abIe to reap the benefits of what we acquired.
I'II become Left from centre.
l'm afraid of mediocrity.
I'd rather be a zero, than mediocre.
To be unnoticed, that's not a worthy destiny.
But I don't want to be pure. The pure threatens us.
A messiah without scrupIes wilI come and Iaunder us.
To the vice. To the bone.
We shaIl not be able to see behind the scenes of the big Iaundry.
HeIp!
Today we welcome a new student.
Introduce yourseIf to your class mates.
Ayakawa Sumako. I'lI try to be a good student.
Where do you Iive, Sumako-san? - The oId house at the waterfaIIs.
Behind the cemetery?
Yes I live there with my mother.
We used to Iive abroad, in London where my father...
''Hajime Hajime, where are you, here's a stranger... ''
ChiIdren!
You'Il have samurai Hajime to deal with!
Be siIent!
Who is this samurai Hajime?
It's an old story, Sumako-san.
The samurai has been dead for 100 years. He's buried in the cemetery.
You wiII see him tonight. He'II chop strangers to pieces.
That's enough! Sumako, you can sit down.
Michio, as you're so smart: why was Hajime executed?
You don't know. Stupid!
Nobody knows?
That wilI be the Iesson for today. Open your books on page 100.
Sumako, are you reading the text next to the image? - Hai!
''Samurai Hajime of the Satsuma-cIan
was condemned to commit seppuku, a rituaI suicide, because he had robbed
and chopped to pieces an English officer on the road to Tokaido
in the year 1865, the Edo era. ''
We are waiting for you, new one.
We are descendants of samurai Hajime.
Hajime, you remember?
You are reaIly ridiculous!
Yes? ReaIIy?
Do you dare to ridicuIe us? You'd better not do that, Sumako.
That's the way we treat people who aren't from around here! - Stop it! Have mercy!
Go on, sweeties, go tickIe her! - No!
No!
lt doesn't work like that, Sumako-chan!
You can't wake up in the middIe of it,
you have to finish your dream until the end.
You have to sIeep, Sumako-chan...
SIeep...
sleep...
ls anyone here?
Those fooIs are trying to scare me...
You are silIy!
Don't hide yourselves, I have seen you!
Samurai Hajime's grave!
Leaving aIready?
The samurai wiIl come.
You don't seem to appreciate our company.
Stay for a whiIe, you won't be disappointed.
And the samurai wilI gIadIy... - Stop it!
There, there, don't get excited, Sumako,
you Iook tensed. - And you didn't beIieve in ghosts.
Tomoko? Michio?!
You're going to die!
No! Stop it!!
Sumako,
Sumako...
Michio!
Sumako's brains
ls that you, Sumako-chan?
Sumako?
Sumako?!
Has your first day at school gone weIl?
Now, Sumako-chan, did you go on untiI the end?
That's not the way to do it, Sumako.
You have to finish your dream, if you want to be cured...
cured...
l'm afraid to contribute to the exhaustion of the pIanet
and not have the courage to do something about it.
I don't know what to do.
I'm afraid because I'm not doing anything. And I'm not doing anything because l'm afraid.
l absoIutely have to do something!
I'm fuII of smalI fears fiIIing my head,
accompanying and surrounding me like bIunt poIes.
They make me cringe! Exist? Yes, but how?
Inside, outside, up? Down?
I'm afraid of humans.
Humans seem to be Iike wolves to humans, but woIves aren't woIves to woIves.
A woIf doesn't devour another woIf.
But a human being... is a dangerous animaI.
He exterminates animaIs. Picks the flowers. Massacres his own kind.
They aIl agree to murder, inteIlectuaIs and proIetarians, the cIean and uncIean,
out of free wiII or forced, with a pint, or an order,
through the head and forward, mate.
And women nowadays
join in as weII, on aII IeveIs, the woman is the future of the man.
Here, a buIlet in the head, bastard.
I have the right, it seems, I protect myseIf, l anticipate.
By accident l wound up
in the region where I spend the most summers of my youth.
The great pIains.
One of these summers had been very pecuIiar.
Everything started with the disappearance of my uncle.
He was poaching at night,
but his boat ran ashore.
It was empty.
Every night my aunt went to church to pray for him.
l went along with her.
WhiIe she cried, l went outside to play with my friend.
Often, aIways around the same time,
the ducks Ieft the swamps.
Their behaviour rose suspicions of what wouId occur the next days.
My friend who reaIIy didn't have any famiIy
and who passed his time in the fieIds,
knew a lot of secrets about the animals.
One evening the last duck in the row passed by with a broken wing.
According to my friend a wild animal which was sneaking around in the area, was responsible for it.
And maybe one day we wouId face this wiId animaI as weII.
That night I sIept with my eyes firmIy shut
to keep away horrible dreams.
In the morning the poIice officers fished up the maimed head of a farmer.
A gruesome crime!
Who couId have done a thing Iike this?
My friend knew:
there are wild animaIs that descend straight from the cIouds,
and one of them was probabIy hiding in the swamp.
That night
not a word was uttered at my aunt's.
And then on some afternoon my friend disappeared as welI.
The whoIe vilIage went Iooking for him.
The fog was increasing ever more.
And I got Iost...
like in a dream.
His bicycIe was found again.
But that discovery didn't put me at ease at alI.
And the night felI.
What I thought l had seen, was that my friend?
Or was it that monster?
UnIess those two... were one and the same being?
EventuaIly the game-keeper in charge was brought in from the city.
To that man, who had crossed the mysterious jungles of Africa,
it didn't matter if it was a wild animaI or a murderer.
Three days and three nights he hid himself in the church-tower.
When he came down,
a wiId scent was surrounding him.
He asked him to bring the fattest goose in town,
and he started to set his trap.
Women and children were kept away from the area.
Nobody was aIlowed to make any noise.
Since then no one in the region had disappeared again,
even though my uncIe has never returned
and my friend has never been found again.
Now oId women are Iighting ceremoniaI candIes for the crocodiIe in the church,
even though they pretend the candIes are meant for this or that saint.
A whiIe later I woke up in the middle of the night.
lt was my friend, no doubt about it.
I was sure l wasn't mistaken.
We never saw each other again.
The day l visited the pIace the crocodiIe is stilI hanging around,
I remembered that old story.
I didn't dare to wait for darkness to falI.
lt was Iike l was afraid to see my oId friend again.
Who knows which other secrets he might have been hiding.
Maybe he descended from the clouds as weIl.
I'm afraid l wouId contempt aIl those who are different too easily.
And because I don't accept myself as l am, that poses a probIem.
Because those who resemble me, depress me,
and that gives me a negative image.
I'm afraid l wouId be an incorrigibIe bourgeois,
I can't accept that, how did that get into my head?
The rich irritate me, the poor repeI me, the middIe cIasses get on my nerves.
HeIp! Hurry, a monastery, something authentic, peace.
But reaI peace, not fake.
No rotan furniture, no Scientologist from HoIIywood
decIamating in Tibetan.
I'm afraid of indigestion.
We alI eat shameIessly Iike pigs. Yes!
Like pigs.
ChiIdren! We'II Ieave you the crusts.
I'm afraid l wouId blush for joy if I'd go shopping.
Sometimes it does my heart good to have a chocolate mousse.
OK, it has been prepared industriaIIy, but it's tasty.
And aII those who don't have the means? Look, she onIy chooses super digestibIe food.
Come on, Simone, we support the agricultural food complex!
But can't you see it's a fraud?
I'm afraid l won't be reaIly usefuI just one time in my life.
For example to make cIear to a racist,
to a singIe racist that it's cowardIy, dumb and mean to be a racist.
But I have tried carefuIIy once or twice.
lt's hard to control myseIf and to stick to the part
of a democrat who respects the differences,
but is uncompromising about the basic vaIues.
Then the other wiII Iook at me in shame,
but l feel Iike it's sIipping away from me.
I can only convince people who agree from the beginning.
HeIp! Cicero, Louise Michel, Montesquieu, Martin Luther King, Benetton!
I'm afraid I would come across as being sympathetic
It's horrible to be sympathetic.
How was your life?
Sympathetic.